I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
