I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
