She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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