My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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