sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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