i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
