after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
