Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck appropriateness.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
