I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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