Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
