did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
my liver is dry heaving
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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