Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
