Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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