Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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