I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You pole danced in your parka.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
