You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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