Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
