Betty ford says i'm here all night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
