his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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