I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
