WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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