Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
