I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
