I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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