fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
