This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
