just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
