Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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