...so i touched it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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