Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
