Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
