Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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