what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just forgot I was standing up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
