the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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