So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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