I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
