Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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