I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
