nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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