yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
