i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
