We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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