My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's never too late to be topless.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
