And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
