Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My dick has a subreddit
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