Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
