Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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