guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And then he peed in my hair
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