I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
