I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the day after is always just damage control
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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