Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
