I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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