Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
